I stumbled upon the blog Chasing Happy and her thankful project. I
am not normally one to vocally express all of the things that I am truly
thankful for. But after reading Kenzie's I became inspired to start writing my
own.
A memory that I am thankful for, yet
scared of is one that happened earlier this year. I had been admitted into the
hospital on January 4th with a small case of what they thought was pneumonia.
And prior to my regular nurse Deb leaving, she looked at me and said that
something else was brewing. And boy was she right. Within 8 hours, I went from
being able to breath on my own with a little help because I was panicky to
having to be intubated and knocked out.
My memory comes from when we found out,
that I was not going to be able to breathe on my own. I had a swarm of nurses
and doctors by my bed, asking me a series of questions all at one time. And
then one that I knew I needed to be asked. Do you want us to call your grandpa?
From there they gave me a sedative to try and put me under so that they could
put in a line and intubate me. Little did they know, that even though my eyes
were closed and I could not move I was not under, and I was still very much
awake. I remember the pain from them putting in the line, and me just thinking
and screaming to my body to make some sort of movement. Anything to let them
know that I could feel it, that I was still conscious. I could smell the tart and tangy smell of the Iodine, and heard the doctor saying that it was in place. I was finally able to
get my eyes to flutter, and heard Deb's reassuring voice. The next three days
were very much drug induced and a lot of sleeping. But after that, I don't think I minded.
It is a scary memory for me, but one that
has affected me greatly. And for that I am thankful. Because of that moment, I knew that any breathe that I took from that point on needed to be worth something. I prayed to god to help, and it was a prayer that had been answered.
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