Finding Clarity

In life, there are events that occur that give you a sense of clarity. Sometimes, they hit you like a freight train. It comes with a hard smack, letting each moment of clarity run over you like each car of the train would. This clarity consumes your every move, and leaves gashes to prove it had been there. Or these events could be a small, fleeting moment. A quick flash representing what you should do or be.

So how do you grasp clarity? Is it something physical that you can grab onto and shake the hell out of it? Or is it something that just magically happens?

I made a promise to myself this year. That promise was one of creativity, connections, simplicity, and effort. But these promises are harder to keep than I had originally imagined.
Living a creative life comes with it's problems after working all day to have very little outcome. I try to blog more, write more, and even draw more. But I see my posts and my stats and feel discouraged. I try to pick up new hobbies, but when I fail I give up completely. It feels like all of the creative energy that I pride myself in having has all just disappeared, never to return.

I wanted to form stronger, more meaningful connections with my family and with my friends. But what happens when they no longer want a stronger connection with you? When do you learn how to walk away? Do you walk away? Or will I continue to give effort to those people who mistreat me, my family, or others? I always protest this, but I never stand up for myself. I will probably never say how I truly feel, because I know it will hurt like hell when I am rejected, teased, or fought.

I still indulge, more than I should. I have not cleaned out the clutters of my life, and I am still overanalyzing situations that could be much simpler. Much of these promises are not kept though, because of my lack of effort.

I guess the point of this post is to say that I am stuck. Stuck in life, stuck with words, just plain old stuck. So how do I get out?

How?