My first post of 2014. Kind of humbling, kind of clarifying. We start off the year trying planning and trying to resolve pieces of ourselves that we think are imperfect. Today I don’t think I want to do that. In fact I think I would rather put a kabosh on the tradition all together. This year I just want to be able to write an amazing 365 page book. I want it to be better than last year.
Instead of resolutions I want to make of wants. You may think that it is all the same thing in the end, but with wants I do not have to achieve them. I can change them. Hell I can even decide to give them up if want to. These wants are not to resolve an imperfection, they are to improve my year.
I cannot truthfully say that I was alone the entire night. But I got to see who was really important in my life that needed to continue to be in the next few chapters of my life. And then I got to see a person or two who maybe didn’t need to be so present. A friend that I hold dear and close, who is almost like a sister rather than an acquaintance, feeling sick and tired still managed to at least come over, eat dinner, and share a glass of wine. She knew that I was not going out last night, so instead she decided to muster up some strength and come over. Others who shall not be named, knowing what I have been through and knowing that I was not planning on going out, could not even be bothered to come over to at least say hi. I did receiving warming texts from friends who were out of town or were just spending the New Years like me, at home. I received Facebook messages, and notes of love from people who have known me for far longer than I would like to admit sometimes. Even a call from my mom. So why couldn’t they at least say hi, or happy new year? I want people who want to be in my life. I want to recognize and appreciate those people who are there for me, no matter what. I want to let go of those who don’t.
Finally alone, and listening to the soft snores of my 75 pound boxer, I had a chance to recollect on all of the events of the year. Some, like my trip to the Hospital last year, were traumatic and life changing. But then there were moments like getting to see my mom, and going to Keith Urban. Those moments, in the end mean more than the bad. So I cannot say that 2013 was too awful. But I would still not rather repeat it. I want 2014 to be full of the good moments.
I want to get a real live co worker, in the same office. I have a person that was referred to me that I think might actually work. But I need to be able to get the green light to hire him. So I want to bug the shit out of my boss to hire someone. If I stand back and let him make the decisions, it is never going to happen.
I want to learn how to cook. Don’t get me wrong I know the basics and I can make some dishes. But I want to be able to post entries about what I made and have people be excited about them and want to try them. I want to be able to bring in leftovers and have people in aw of what someone just warmed up in the kitchen. I just want to eat and not be ashamed of what I am eating.
Another for work. I want to be able to take our company to the next level. I want us on the social media sites and recognized at conventions for US. Not as a part of another company. I want to finally be able to tell my boss that the look of our website is horrendous. It is messy, un-organized, and we could do better. I want to be able to market what we have and get more clients in. This is how I want us to succeed.
A key part of getting a co worker, is getting to travel more. I can actually take a vacation or a sick day and not have to check my email. Even now I am looking at the daunting 6 emails in my outlook telling myself not to look. I want to be able to take Ghillie to the beach, go to Sedona, better yet to go see my mom more than once a year. HELL I want to go to the freaking Grand Canyon.
I want to blog more. I find it strangely therapeutic, letting a bunch of people read about my very boring life. But I still feel like I have a story to tell and if you guys aren’t afraid to listen, then I will keep going. I want to change the way it looks and become a little more serious about it. I have already worked to schedule some posts to come out in advanced, kept a weekly post going (though it could use some work on the timing), and have wacky ideas of posts that I want to do.
More than anything I want to live in 2014 and not be scared to take chances.
What do you want this year to be?
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