So sorry, but I am lost at the moment.

It has been quite a while since I have posted anything, and I know I fell off the face of the earth. I have been trying to make the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

Yesterday at 5pm I decided to let me best friend go. It has been a decision that I, and only I could make.  I wrote a diary entry 229 days ago, expressing the same fear. But I prolonged his pain for much longer than I should have.

He has been there for over 11 years, taking me through the good and the bad. I was able to teach him various tricks including playing tag and playing dead. he had a constant schedule; one that I caught myself trying to keep last night.

I feel heartbroken.
I feel guilty for being so selfish, and guilty for taking him when he wasn't ready.
I feel drained, because I have been sobbing nonstop for the last 10 hours.
I feel alone, because my best friend is no longer demanding my attention every 5 minutes.

So I am going to apologize for not being present. I will get caught up with the world in the next few days.

Rest in peace my sweet boy. I will miss your excessive drooling, your stubborn personality, treat times at 8, and that wiggly but that always greeted me when I came home. I will always love you.