WEEKEND OFF!!!!

There is a moment, a moment of sweet relief when A house sitter manages to score a free, rather unexpected weekend off. Part of this excitement does not come without it's woes, as the family I was supposed to sit for had the unexpected tragedy of a parent in law having a stroke. But everyone is recovering slowly and doing better.

BUT... I still get a weekend off. An unexpected one, which means I had absolutely nothing planned.

So now I am trying to find stuff to do this weekend. So I thought I would get your brilliant opinions. (don't be afraid to speak up)

So the first option, always a good one. I can do this by myself or with others, depending if I really want to share my popcorn or not. Movies! The Awkward Moment with Zac Efron just came out. and honestly any moment to catch a piece of that boy without his shirt on is a win for everyone. He grew up well.

Let's just let this sink in for a bit.........

And if that doesn't work for you, here Zac with a kitten. Adorbs!

Second, finding a show on Netflix to watch the entire series, because I am currently stealing internet from my brother. Don't judge me.

The next option requires a little more effort than I want to give on a weekend... but I am willing to keep the option open. I really want to clean up and finish painting my "laundry" area. This would include sanding the cabinets, painting them, painting the walls around all of it, and taking a possible trip to Ikea to buy the rails I need..... iiikkkkeeeeeaaaaaaaaa.....

I wish for something simple like this, but highly doubt that is what it will look like in the end. Just saying...

The final option is to pretend to go to work on saturday, but instead sit at a coffee shop of some sort and get my blogging act together.

So many options....

What do you guys do with unexpected days off?

A letter to 13 year old Kylea

Dear Me,

Yep that's right, I am you only much older and probably not much wiser. Right now you are in 8th  grade. What an awful year that was. I won't sugar coat it for you, that year really did suck and it won't get much better until your junior year of high school.

So what has happened already.... well you probably just figured out that your parents want to move to Illinois. It switched from Texas, which is where they should have gone, to Illinois after Dean went to see Deanna and Alyssa. Trust me that move doesn't last long. You will be in Illinois for about a month before complete chaos strikes and you will then move to Ohio. It won't get any better there. That tan you have; it will disappear completely and will never return. Love it right now, admire that golden tan. You will also cut your foot open on Ma'ams fence. Do not freak out completely it is only 10 stitches,  and accept the secret milky way that your mom has stashed in her purse.

Ohio sucks, but when you go back to visit later in life, you will realize that it was the best lesson you could ever be taught. It snows there, you will eat fried bologna, and salmon patties, but keep in mind that that is all you have to eat. Your mom will go through some hard times, but Michael will become one of your closer friends starting at this point on. Plus in 10 short months you will be back in AZ.

Now when you get to high school. Leave your friends at Westwood be. The friends you made at Carson will become few and far between. Some will become unrecognizable, others will hurt you, and most will just fade away with time.  Make more friends at McClintock! I know in your mind that is like asking you to jump in a ball pit filled with glass. But you need to. Make friends with the people that you least expect to. put yourself out there more.   You will meet Amanda, and you two will become the best of friends. Keep working on that friendship. Oh and your sophomore year, seventh period health class, become friends with Johnny. He will be the best relationship you will have ever have. But eventually your perpetual fear of hurting someone else's feelings will cause you to end that one.

Now the biggest obstacle you face is A. She will move in with you guys once you are back in AZ. And sadly a lot of the attention that you received will be placed on to her. Do yourself the favor and reach out to your mom, guidance counselors, and favorite teachers about college. You royally screwed up by not doing it the first time. A may have the advantage of taking up your time with your parents, but you need to focus on the bigger picture. And that picture is you and your brothers.

Life is ok at 24. We may not have all of our shit together, but that is perfectly acceptable. We will go through plenty of bad relationships, and plenty of bad situations. But you learn from them and become this pretty ok person. Just don't be scared to live a little more.

Oh and your mother is always right. Even when you think she is doing something wrong, or intrusive, or even to be annoying. She does it because she loves you.

Love Always,
The 24 year old Kylea

A Confessional

I have a confession to make... and part of me feels awkward posting this online for all to know.

I have a 2 bedroom house (sorta) but I literally only sleep in my living room. I tried to lie to myself and say that I didn't know why I only sleep there. But I totally do. I am a borderline, paranoid freak who constantly thinks that someone is trying to break into my house and kill me. Now whether it is just because I live by myself or because my neighborhood is sketchy as HELL is debatable. Plus I currently have been using my bed as a makeshift dresser...because that is the place where my clean clothes go to die. But anyways, for more than 4 months I have been sleeping on my couch.

Now I know a lot of people are, well you sleep with the TV on right? Nope... I only sleep with the TV on when I am scared at someone else's house. So there is literally no reason for me to need to sleep in my living room. I have an beautiful antique wood bed, and a comfortable mattress; but still I sleep on my couch.

So Sunday, I decided to clean up the clothes and put them away, which is the worst chore possible. I washed all of my bedding, and decided bam I am just going to start being a grown up and sleep in my bed. Big girl status right there.

WORST. SLEEP. EVER. SINCE!

I kid you not, Sunday night I was only able to sleep for 2 hours. I tossed and turned the rest of the night. So not only did I have to deal with Monday, I had to deal with it while being sleep deprived.

LAST NIGHT! Well that can only be described as sleeping in hell on a bed of hot coals. Not only was I already on edge about the crazy episode of Teen Wolf, but apparently Ghillie heard something at 1am and started growling. And not just the quiet, hey something is up growl. No this was you better get yo ass out my house, teeth showing growl. Needless to say every light was turned on and I checked the locks on all of my windows and doors three times, locked the doggy door, and I did not go back to sleep until after my first alarm went off at five.

I have 8 hours of work left... I want my couch...

Workday Problems

Morning cupcakes,

I feel as if this is a total first world problems scenario, but I feel that it needs to be written about.
How is it I am the only person in the office that can pick up when the office radio has more static than music?

We have the magical ability in my office to control the volume of the radio on the different sides of the office. It is magical when you want to groove out to old 80's show tune type music. Which for me is rarely ever. My problem is that the number of people who can actually hear the music, because we sit directly under the speaker, are few and far between. So when I have to hear One Direction, it makes me want to punch a  baby... and when I hear static filled One Direction.... well thank goodness there are no babies in my office, because it would be deadly. And If you don't know why I am saying that I would punch a baby, clearly you have not listened to Dane Cook enough. Go listen...

So hear I sit with my headphones in, overhearing the static music, attempting to drown out Beyonce's Single Ladies with the Alternative Radio Station on Spotify. But no matter how loud Gold on the Ceiling by The Black Keys is playing I still hear the static. How do I nicely make the radio disappear? My headphones can only go so loud before destroying any hearing ability that I have.

Welcome to my office first world problems......

Time to re-fill...

Why I love Phoenix, AZ

Happy Monday, Y'all! I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. Me? Mine was fabulous and filled with absolutely nothing to do. But then again those are my absolute favorite things to do on the weekend after working all week.

Now there is only one reason I absolutely living in Phoenix. Well there are a ton, but the main one:

NO SNOW! Let me tell you ladies and possible gents, that the idea of snow or any form of frozen water, just does not float my boat. Actually anything that goes below the degree of 32 is no bueno. There is not a chance in hell that my butt would go outside. Freeze my ass off? NO THANK YOU.

So instead I sit here in Arizona listening to Joe Nichols Sunny and 75, because it seems absolutely fitting, while you suckers sit there with snow and temps at 40. I do not feel sorry for you.

Wait....

Nope, nothing.

And when I am sitting in 118 degrees in July, I won't be complaining. Why? Well because I can still sit on the back patio with a glass of wine... in shorts.... in January.

Ha
Ha
HA!

Your Winter storm:

Mine:

Equals: 

Just saying... 

Finding Clarity

In life, there are events that occur that give you a sense of clarity. Sometimes, they hit you like a freight train. It comes with a hard smack, letting each moment of clarity run over you like each car of the train would. This clarity consumes your every move, and leaves gashes to prove it had been there. Or these events could be a small, fleeting moment. A quick flash representing what you should do or be.

So how do you grasp clarity? Is it something physical that you can grab onto and shake the hell out of it? Or is it something that just magically happens?

I made a promise to myself this year. That promise was one of creativity, connections, simplicity, and effort. But these promises are harder to keep than I had originally imagined.
Living a creative life comes with it's problems after working all day to have very little outcome. I try to blog more, write more, and even draw more. But I see my posts and my stats and feel discouraged. I try to pick up new hobbies, but when I fail I give up completely. It feels like all of the creative energy that I pride myself in having has all just disappeared, never to return.

I wanted to form stronger, more meaningful connections with my family and with my friends. But what happens when they no longer want a stronger connection with you? When do you learn how to walk away? Do you walk away? Or will I continue to give effort to those people who mistreat me, my family, or others? I always protest this, but I never stand up for myself. I will probably never say how I truly feel, because I know it will hurt like hell when I am rejected, teased, or fought.

I still indulge, more than I should. I have not cleaned out the clutters of my life, and I am still overanalyzing situations that could be much simpler. Much of these promises are not kept though, because of my lack of effort.

I guess the point of this post is to say that I am stuck. Stuck in life, stuck with words, just plain old stuck. So how do I get out?

How?

Things I have learned while being sick...

Well cupcakes, it has been a very exciting weekend.... not! Turns out the bronchitis plague hit my office and I was an unfortunate victim. After last years mishap, there was no way in the world that I was going to risk it. Not to mention the other two amigas decided to turn on me and tattle in every form possible. Traitors.....

Well after I was diagnosed at urgent care, I packed up the dog and myself and moved in with the grandparents for the weekend. Why?? Well because I become a huge baby when I am sick, and all I really want is to snuggle up with a blanket while my mom sings soft kitty and plays with my hair. But, I highly doubt it would be the same over skype as it is in person. So off to grandma's house I went.

Now there is not a lot to do when you are sick besides sleep and watch tv. But there are plenty of things to be learnt from non social activities such as these.

First, if you watch 2 days worth of the Food Network Television against your will, food will sound about as appetizing as eating a scorpion. I have learned that Guy Ferrera will eat just about anything, Bobby Flay thinks he can beat anyones recipe but always seems to lose, they have a show where chefs gamble to buy items to sabotage the competition (this show actually is pretty cool, more on that letter), and Alie and Georgia are some pretty classy, funny broads.

Second.... Spongebob still exists.. WHY?! The better part, my grandpa insists on watching like 3
straight hours of it. I now understand why the younger generations are ignorant.

Third, if you are at your grandparents, they will try to feed you. And it's all grandparents. It's like they can hear even the slightest grumble of your stomach and BAM there is food. I wondered why Ghillie was gaining weight. Well now I know... Now I know. And none of this food is actually healthy. It is the exact opposite.

Fourth, working from home, as cool as it is gets old. There is only so many days you can go without social interaction. Although being able to call people morons more easily without being heard is awesome.

Fifth and most importantly, your dog always knows how to make you feel better. The infamous Ghillie Monster was nothing but cute and cuddly all weekend. How I love him.

Well now that the hefty dose of cough syrup has been consumed, it is off to beddy by land.

5 Things: University of Phoenix

Alright Kiddo's time for me to make a confession. If you didn't know before than you will now. I attend the University of Phoenix. Yup that for profit school that leaves you tens of thousands of dollars in debt before you actually get your degree. I thought that since I am making it back into the classroom after a month of being off, I would let you know 5 things about the famous ol' UofP that you need to know before signing up.

1.) Classes are 5 weeks long. Yes that means  that you are done with classes earlier, but it also means that you are cramming a semesters worth of work in 5 weeks. There are classes like math that seriously need more time. And they are back to back, which means the only break from classed that you get is if a holiday falls on the same day as your class. Each class is also 4 hours long. This is nice when you have a full time job, but not when you have a monotone or indian instructor. 

2.) Be prepared to take classes that are literally pointless. I have literally taken 6 classes that revolve around how to think critically. 1/2 of my credits from Community College, including my A+'s in psychology, sociology, and english did not transfer. So I had to take those classes over again.

3.) Most of your instructors are going to be foreign or older than dirt. Rarely have I had an instructor who was under the age of 60 and only once has one been in his thirties. And they really do not make that much. Take your tuition for one class, knock off about $100 and that is what they make per class. The rest of  the classes tuition is naturally going back to the pockets of UofP.

4.) Online and Ground classes are different. And even different ground campuses are different. Online be prepared for a lot of self instruction, discussions, and notifications. I literally had 150+ new notifications every day with online. There is also a lot more work, because you are not able to discuss it in person with the teacher and your groups. On campus there less requirements for the assignments. Instructors are given a little bit of freedom, but not too many. And there are differences between different campuses. My moms campus in TX is leniant on the rules of the classroom but they refuse to make changes to the syllabus. Where as mine in AZ, the instructors change the syllabus on a weekly basis.  

5.) You are going to work in a team. It is required. And if you know anything about computers or how to write a paper, consider yourself the smartest in the bunch. There have been teams that I have literally carried because they didn't know how to format the paper, let alone use spell check. You are going to run into this problem a lot during your first year or two, until those who cannot keep up are gone.

Anyone else go to University of Phoenix? Or am I the only sad sucker here?

Pinterest Perfect

     Pinterest... It is like the window shopping for our fantasy lives. You get some actually pretty nifty ideas off of there, but for the most part you are looking up things to do in your life that will never actually be achieved unless you win some form of fairy godmother prize. And it's ok to pretend that your life is a fairytale where you have a gorgeous home with a fantastic reading nook, you have a gorgeous modelesque husband with adorable children, and are the housewife of the century.  Ain't no harm in dreaming a little dream.

     Just don't come back from your less than perfect kitchen with a knife after you get off the site.
     
     In my pretend Pinterest world, I have the perfect hair. I have the hairstyle that I want and It comes out in perfect waves after I blow dry it. I can also curl and style it without having to use an entire can of hairspray. Bu more importantly it will be a style that I want and love.
In my pretend Pinterest world, I have the perfect hair. I have the hairstyle that I want and It comes out in perfect waves after I blow dry it. I can also curl and style it without having to use an entire can of hairspray. But more importantly it will be a style that I want and love.







































In my pinterest world I would have a perfectly pieced together apartment/condo/house that had the perfect combination of modern and contemporary. My couch would be comfy, I would have a TV that I could easily move, and there would be fresh flowers on my self-constructed pallet coffee table every day. Because I love fresh flowers, and I would brag like crazy if I built my coffee table. 

In my Pinterest perfect life, I would be able to wear Leggings without worry of my arse being to big for them. Like my mother always says, spandex is a privilege not a god given right. Along with those leggings would be adorable boots and scarves and accessories. In my Pinterest perfect life I would have the most adorable wardrobe that would make all of my friends green with envy. It would be blog-worthy

If my life were Pinterest perfect, my need to take a nap every day would be understood. And I would have a comfy sunny nook area in my house designated for that purpose. And there would be warm, clean towels to burry myself under… because I fucking love it when there are warm, clean towels to snuggle with. 

If my life were Pinterest perfect, I would have ink. Lots and lots and lots of beautiful tattoos would be on my arms, legs, shoulders, collarbone, and any other place full of memories and meaning. And people would accept that ink, not because it is a new social norm, but because they respect me and they know that each piece means something to me. 

What would your life look like according to Pinterest? 

One Year

It has been one year.

One year since I was forced into the hospital by pneumonia
One year since I baffled Doctors by contracting a strand of bacteria no one had heard of.
One year since I had tubes everywhere, literally.
One year since I was so full of antibiotics that there was no way to be normal.
One year since I learned that iPads were a good source for none verbal communication.
One year since I saw every member of my family break down as they stared at my helpless self.
One year.

A lot has changed since then, but then again nothing has. I want to be stronger. I want to be healthier. So that what I looked like one year ago, is not what I look like any year.

One Year ago I looked like this.

Never again. 

Welcome 2014

My first post of 2014. Kind of humbling, kind of clarifying. We start off the year trying planning and trying to resolve pieces of ourselves that we think are imperfect. Today I don’t think I want to do that. In fact I think I would rather put a kabosh on the tradition all together. This year I just want to be able to write an amazing 365 page book. I want it to be better than last year. 

Instead of resolutions I want to make of wants. You may think that it is all the same thing in the end, but with wants I do not have to achieve them. I can change them. Hell I can even decide to give them up if want to. These wants are not to resolve an imperfection, they are to improve my year.  

I cannot truthfully say that I was alone the entire night. But I got to see who was really important in my life that needed to continue to be in the next few chapters of my life. And then I got to see a person or two who maybe didn’t need to be so present. A friend that I hold dear and close, who is almost like a sister rather than an acquaintance, feeling sick and tired still managed to at least come over, eat dinner, and share a glass of wine. She knew that I was not going out last night, so instead she decided to muster up some strength and come over. Others who shall not be named, knowing what I have been through and knowing that I was not planning on going out, could not even be bothered to come over to at least say hi. I did receiving warming texts from friends who were out of town or were just spending the New Years like me, at home. I received Facebook messages, and notes of love from people who have known me for far longer than I would like to admit sometimes. Even a call from my mom. So why couldn’t they at least say hi, or happy new year? I want people who want to be in my life. I want to recognize and appreciate those people who are there for me, no matter what. I want to let go of those who don’t. 

Finally alone, and listening to the soft snores of my 75 pound boxer, I had a chance to recollect on all of the events of the year. Some, like my trip to the Hospital last year, were traumatic and life changing. But then there were moments like getting to see my mom, and going to Keith Urban. Those moments, in the end mean more than the bad. So I cannot say that 2013 was too awful. But I would still not rather repeat it. I want 2014 to be full of the good moments. 

I want to get a real live co worker, in the same office. I have a person that was referred to me that I think might actually work. But I need to be able to get the green light to hire him. So I want to bug the shit out of my boss to hire someone. If I stand back and let him make the decisions, it is never going to happen. 

I want to learn how to cook. Don’t get me wrong I know the basics and I can make some dishes. But I want to be able to post entries about what I made and have people be excited about them and want to try them. I want to be able to bring in leftovers and have people in aw of what someone just warmed up in the kitchen. I just want to eat and not be ashamed of what I am eating. 

Another for work. I want to be able to take our company to the next level. I want us on the social media sites and recognized at conventions for US. Not as a part of another company. I want to finally be able to tell my boss that the look of our website is horrendous. It is messy, un-organized, and we could do better. I want to be able to market what we have and get more clients in. This is how I want us to succeed.  

A key part of getting a co worker, is getting to travel more. I can actually take a vacation or a sick day and not have to check my email. Even now I am looking at the daunting 6 emails in my outlook telling myself not to look. I want to be able to take Ghillie to the beach, go to Sedona, better yet to go see my mom more than once a year. HELL I want to go to the freaking Grand Canyon. 

I want to blog more. I find it strangely therapeutic, letting a bunch of people read about my very boring life. But I still feel like I have a story to tell and if you guys aren’t afraid to listen, then I will keep going. I want to change the way it looks and become a little more serious about it. I have already worked to schedule some posts to come out in advanced, kept a weekly post going (though it could use some work on the timing), and have wacky ideas of posts that I want to do. 

More than anything I want to live in 2014 and not be scared to take chances. 

What do you want this year to be?