Lost It

I have been trying to keep my cool. I have been doing my best to let things go and not get worked up about a situation. Today I failed.

I am a member of two committees, not for my company but for our sister company. We sit in the same office, and I have been involved with both committees since they began. One committee is strictly for community outreach and trying to help small businesses and non profits that try to do more for our local community and for the Phoenix Area.  The other committee focuses on the company culture and the employees. We do the fun things like set up happy hours, potlucks, games, contests, and birthdays. We strive to make our office a more fun place to be at.

I do not need to be a member in either committee. I am not an employee. I only take up a corner of the office. I choose to be a member. I choose to take the time out of my day and my own time to come up with ideas for these events.

Today, we had a meeting to discuss the culture, and upcoming events for the month. We wanted to do a bbq, and decided to do office olympics. I took time out of MY weekend to put together ideas, look up games, type it all out, ect. But when I got to the meeting and tried to explain why and what I wanted to do, all of a sudden what I was trying to do, was not going to be approved by others.

I heard nothing but "well I wouldn't do that." and "I don't have time to put that much effort into this." Any solution that I tried to come up with was shot down instantaneously. I was being cut off and attacked.

I lost it.

I started to raise my voice. I started to say mean and impolite comments. And the idea that I worked so hard to come up with and put together was suddenly no longer mine. People played the whoa is me card, claiming that they had more to do than others, and throwing the rest of us under some form of bus. And I didn't take their shit. Because that is what it was, shit.

A part of me wants to bow out and quit these committees. I after all am not an employee, and I have a lot on my own plate. But at the same time, it would physically kill me if either of these committees were to fail.

But I made a promise to myself to let these things go and not to get worked up about them. And if this was any representation of what the year is going to look like; I will not mentally be able to do it.
I am hoping that a good nights sleep and some time to clear my head will allow me to reconsider everything and remember why I wanted to be in these committees in the first place.

Thank you for listening.